Army of Priests

A few years ago a user of an internet forum was struggling to believe in God, so they wrote the following post, which I answered. My answer is not as complete as I would write today, but it was personal and adapted to match the personality to the questioner. I hope that it helps you any way it can.

I’ve been bored lately, and have probably written too much…but ahh well…

God is a mysterious creature that is either an all-everything super-force or an illusion created in the minds of men. I would love to believe the former. I would love to believe that God, the Christian God, created the universe and came in human form to earth and sacrificed himself to save all of our sins. I would love to believe the miracles in the bible, the stories and doings of Christ, and that Christ rose from the dead three days later. I don’t, and it’s not from lack of searching.

Many of my closest friends believe in God and Jesus Christ. I belong to a religious organization, CRU, and to a bible study. I enjoy worship at CRU and I love the things I learn at bible study. I want to believe. I pray and I hope, but in my heart and soul, there’s nothing. There’s no confidence and no assurance. In my heart, there is no Christ.

No one has ever mistaken me for rational, but it’s reason that leads me to believe that Christ never existed, and if he did, his miracles are widely overstated and embellished. It’s reason that leads me to the belief that the earth was not created in a week, that Noah didn’t build the boat, and that had Satan really wanted to mess with Adam and Eve, he would have chosen a better animal than a snake.

I think Christianity, while having survived two thousand years, will die just like the mythologies of old. I think there is a truth out there, but Christianity is not that truth. Just like for Christians, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, and all other religions are not truths.

However, I’ve experienced too many things in my life to not wonder if there really is something out there. I think there is, and if it is the Christian God, and He finds me some day, I will hopefully be forgiven for doubting Him now. Despite my own reason, I have nothing but respect and admiration for believers and people of strong faith. After all I said this may come as a shock, but I do believe that God has touched them in some way.

I don’t believe in parts of the bible, and I find it difficult to believe in a lot of the story of Christ. However, I cannot say whether or not there is a God. I don’t think the God of the Christian religion is quite right yet there’s something there. Every time I hear a testimony and every time I hear a great sermon or a friend talk about God, I see the presence of a spirit from outside of this world. I see passions and beliefs in people that are living and real. To them, He exists and is real, and I’m never going to say they are wrong.

I don’t see those things – the miracles and wonders of God – myself. My inner-self says no, but every day that same inner-self wishes it could say yes. However, I can’t lie and say I have faith that I do not have. Death will probably answer my questions, and maybe by that time I’ll have changed my mind and my faith. I just hope that if there is a Heaven and Hell, and if it is true that non-believers go to Hell, that God finds me or that I find Him, before it’s too late.

Ok, I’ve read. I’m tired after coming back so my brains are not in it, but I got to reply to this or there won’t be any sleep for me. You seem to be swinging in your views on this a lot. But that is often a good thing, means you’re thinking…

This is coming from the view of a guy who occasionally bothers people peacefully eating their lunch to talk about this stuff [the gospel]. Yes, I am one of those bastards.

Let me tell you something we Christians often don’t talk about. The bible is a freak show. It’s absolutely bizarre, insane, far too long, up for misinterpretation, and filled with fairy tales. It’s awesome.

There is a story in the bible about a funeral where these guys where caring a dead boy and there is an earthquake and they drop the body on the bones of a dead prophet (Elijah in this case). The kid then comes back to life. A bit weird hey? Take a step back and that is rather unbelievable.

How about creation? 6 days, a screwy order, 2 conflicting stories, and a talking snake. Pretty weird hey? I can prove none of it. I’m pretty convinced that natural forces can’t be responsible but I sure as hell can’t back the bible on this. It’s very strange. Same goes for the flood.

Then there are conflicting gospels, parting of the red sea, the prophesied rapture, walking on water… need I go on?

If you are in any way a sane person you would scoff at this stuff.

Unfortunately for me, I belong in a padded room with a particularly tight jacket. Because I believe it. I’m insane.

My problem is that I am an intellectual person. I’m not touchy feely by any means [at least not back then]. Put me in a room of Christians and I’m often the cynic. There is so much room for doubt. But I believe.

Faith is not what everyone likes to say it is. It is not some blind, unthinking, pitiful thing that most Christians have. If these people were to open their eyes and see the craziness in the bible they would run – if you could get them to listen.

Time for an analogy: Imagine a rope bridge. An old one with frayed ropes and breaking planks. Imagine it hanging over a huge hole. You look at it and you know there is no way ever that it ever is going to hold you. No way on earth. 0% chance. But imagine there is a person besides you telling you that the bridge will hold, asking you to trust him. Now if you take that step, a rather foolish thing to do, that is when you are demonstrating faith. Are you scared? Hell yeah! Do you believe that thing is going to hold? Never. But you go. You go because you have faith not in the bridge, but in the man.

It is truly insane to trust someone else when you are screaming at yourself that it won’t hold. What type of person would do that? What type of person would give up, for example, sex outside of marriage for something that they cannot possibly know is right? How can they give up their comforts? How can they get the guts to talk to people eating their lunch? How can they waste all their Sunday mornings on something that is intellectually bankrupt?

By far the hardest part of being a Christian is saying that I am wrong and that God is right. Not just with my mouth but also through my actions. I take a risk, a huge risk, on something unproven, unintelligent, and potentially unwise because I don’t trust myself to get it right. I don’t trust no preacher either. I do trust God.

I trust him because I know him. I don’t know about him. I don’t know his ideas. I don’t know his religion. I know him. Sounds weird? Sure is. It is something I cannot possibly explain to you.

That’s not to say I don’t have proof. My life is filled with things every day which confirm again and again that God’s real. He knows I need them, because I’m a stubborn bloke who keeps trying to do things his own way only to find out that the nice big brick bridge has a crack in it. I make sacrifices for sure. I sacrifice hours each day for nothing more productive then prayer. But would I change anything? Not in your life. I just can’t stop thinking about God. I love him.

So what’s all this mean? Absolutely nothing. I’m not going to throw any arguments at you to convince you. I’m not going to plead my case. There’s no point. I’m asking you to choose insanity. To trust me. But why would you trust me? I’m only human.

Just keep searching. And pray. Seriously. One day you might be surprised.