Questions
I haven’t posted here for a while. Usually I write a lot because that’s how I process the insane amounts of information I absorb every week. I then figure I might as well post it here. But over the last two weeks I have had more questions then answers and thus haven’t thought anything I have written worthy of posting.
But I do have questions. Perhaps you can answer them for me.
Once upon a time I thought I had faith. I was well versed in evangelical doctrine (even matching my pastor in tests) and felt like I could look up any answer in any book and feel satisfied. I don’t trust those old answers anymore. I’m not sure any of us can really know the whole truth. Why do people with opposing view points each think they know the truth? Are we so proud as to think we have a monopoly on correct doctrine?
And why is it that although I am less certain of my hold on truth I feel like I have more faith in God? If faith is not tied to certainty in belief then what is it? Perhaps trust despite not knowing? And how much faith do you need? I am realising that every time I think I have faith I latter come to realise that I did not. Fortunately, this is usually because God has grown my faith. I’m starting to wonder if I even know what faith or love or peace really is. And how much faith is required to be saved? I thought I had faith figured out a long time ago – I was wrong.
Why do so many things work in theory and not in practise? Healing is a classic example. It works every time when preached from the pulpit but it doesn’t seem to happen in practise much. Also, in theory non-Christians should convert instantly when they hear a good argument for God. They don’t. And supposedly God should be willing to help me do His moral will, yet despite how much I pray for help that often doesn’t work out.
Why do many Christians seem more hateful than anyone in the world?
Why is it that I can know what is right and want to do right, and then not do right when the opportunity comes?
How much does God direct my life? He forced Jonah to do His will. He hardened pharaoh’s heart. How much of what I do is completely my choice? How much of what I do is directed by God?
Why are we told to pray for our needs? God already knows them. And why do we think that more persistent prayer or more energetic prayer is more likely to be answered?
Why is life so unfair? Why is it that some people get life so good (especially in western society) whilst the rest of the world lives in poverty or pain? And why do western, democratic cultures think they are better than other cultures when they have the highest suicide rates? If the virtues of democracy and the Anglo-Saxon world are so good why are thousands of teenagers so desperate to leave it that they would leave their lives?
Why are Christians more interested in how I spend my Sunday mornings than what I do during the other six days of my week?
Why does having questions humble me so much? Why does it make me feel unable to offer any advice on other topics? Why don’t we all ask more questions and expose our doubts?
I know the simple answers to all of these. I don’t want simple answers.
I think God is more satisfying than answers anyway.
